(OPENING THEME PLAYING)
This ends today, H.I.V.E.
Today justice will reign.
Today evil will...
(FARTING SOUND)
(CLEARS THROAT)
Today evil will fall
to its knees. Today...
-(FARTING SOUND)
-(GIGGLING)
Shh. He's looking.
(FRUSTRATED GRUNT)
Today, hope for
the city's renew...
(FARTING SOUND)
Argh!
Excuse us for a second,
please. Thank you.
How many times
do I have to tell you
to not make fart noises
when I am striking fear
into the hearts of the enemy.
-(FARTING SOUND)
-Argh!
This is supposed to be
the final showdown
and you're ruining it!
Dude, why do you take
yourself so seriously?
Yeah. Have a laugh
once in a while.
We are the last line
of defense for this city,
if we can't be serious about
being superheroes, then who?
(JET ENGINE ROARING)
(GRUNTING)
Look how serious they are.
(GRUNTING)
Ooh! They have
the eyes of righteousness.
No one's even smiling.
I feel so intimidated
and I like it.
Now those are real heroes.
Send these cretins to our base
in the Kratoa nebula for
further interrogation.
Something tells me
this is only the beginning.
ROBIN: Hey there, Aqualad.
Hello, Robin.
Sweet moves out there!
-I do what must be done.
-(WATCH BEEPING)
Now, uh, excuse me.
There's an emergency
in the SN 1885 quadrant
that needs my attention.
Cool, cool, cool.
Yeah, I'll probably
head out there too.
What? On your way
to a pie eating competition?
What's that supposed to mean?
-Did someone say pie?
-I love pie!
(SINGING)
When I say I want, you say...
Not now!
-What?
-I did not wish
to say anything.
But you and your team have
brought nothing but shame
to all real superheroes.
The Teen Titans
are a disgrace.
Hey, hey, hey.
You are way off base, buddy.
There's no difference
between our teams.
We may do things
a little differently,
but we're both just trying
to take down the bad guys.
Is that right?
Quick. Before they see us.
Who is ready for another
of the girl's night out?
Superheroes are supposed
to inspire hearts
and teach valuable lessons
about friendship and life.
We do that.
What? Lessons like
books can be dangerous?
Or what is better,
burgers or burritos?
You are a mockery of
everything the world
holds sacred about heroes.
Come on. What is so bad
about being a little silly
from time to time?
I am all for a good laugh,
but the Teen Titans
cannot be serious
for one single moment.
-Good day.
-But...
I said good day!
Okay. Good talk, Aqualad.
Yup. We'll catch up later.
(SIGHS)
(VIDEO GAME BLEEPING)
(ROBIN GRUMBLING)
What's up with you, dude?
(IN GRAVELLY VOICE)
Oh, nothing.
Just thinking
about my dead parents.
-So tragic.
-(VIDEO GAME STOPS)
-Whoa! What was that?
-Keep it light, dude.
-Yeah, where did that
come from?
-I have the depression now.
Sorry, I'm just brooding.
Well, can you brood
in the kitchen, dude?
And maybe bring me back
some pickles and tahini.
(NORMAL VOICE)
No, I want to brood here!
And it wouldn't be so bad
if you could too.
Are you down in the dumpster
because the real heroes made
us look completely inadequate?
We are real heroes!
But we have forgotten that
because you've all become
real jokesters.
Even Raven.
What are you talking about?
I'm no jokester.
Don't play dumb.
I've seen your act.
Thanks for coming out.
Good to be here.
Anyone from out of town?
So my dad came to visit.
You know what
that's like, right?
Hi, honey.
Mind if I devour your soul?
And I'm all like, "Can we
do that after breakfast?"
The good thing about having
a demon as my father
is being immortal.
The bad thing is having
to deal with him for
the rest of my life.
(HIGH PITCHED LAUGHING)
He knows what
I'm talking about.
Try all you want, Raven,
but you're not funny.
None of you are!
Admit it,
we're a little funny.
Aren't you tired
of being two dimensional?
There's so much more to us!
I mean, look at Cyborg.
He's half man
and half machine.
I know! Pretty cool, right?
No. It's not pretty cool.
In fact it should
be tearing you apart.
Are you a man
or are you a machine?
-Whoa!
-That's heavy, dude.
Could not being more serious
fracture the team?
Yes, but that's how
we become stronger,
by being torn apart
and coming back together.
Preferably in front
of a sunset.
I do not understand, Robin.
Of course you don't,
because you're an alien
and that's your struggle.
You should all be struggling.
Maybe Robin's right.
Aqualad and his friends
did look really cool.
They sure did.
And I want a tough face
and tight muscles.
Of course you do!
I have always wanted to visit
the SN 1885 quadrant.
We can interrogate
some filthy cretins there
right now!
I'd like to tell a villain,
"It's just you and me now."
Then let's get...
♪ It is time
♪ To get really, really,
really serious
♪ No time for toys
♪ No time for food
♪ There's no time
to be in a good mood
♪ Serious eyes
and a serious nose
♪ Serious faces
and a serious pose
♪ It is time to say something
really, really serious ♪
If you're not gonna help
then get out of the way!
I work alone.
You'll only slow me down.
I'm saying the one-liners
like a real hero.
There is good
and there is evil
and the line
between them is clear.
(ALL MUNCHING)
Who among you would like
to sing a song about pie?
How can I sing
when I am so conflicted?
I have been so conflicted
and unhappy all this time
and never even knew it!
I've never felt
more emotionally complex.
We should have gotten serious
years ago.
-(THUMPS)
-Finally we are
no longer disgraces.
We are the team I always
dreamed we could be.
Look at how defined
my muscles are.
Booyah!
(GROANS)
And I can't smile anymore.
(ALARM RINGING)
Crime alert!
The President sends word the
H.I.V.E.'s murder satellite
is ready to launch.
If we can't stop them
the world will be
destroyed forever!
-Robin.
-Not now, Star.
There's too much work to do.
Titans go!
(SIREN WAILING)
STARFIRE:
What are we looking at, Robin?
It is very... Dark.
Of course it's dark.
Night time is the most serious
time to fight crime.
RAVEN: Yeah, but I can't see
anything either.
ROBIN: Makes it
even more dangerous.
I can use my cybernetics
to see.
But what I did not
lose my humanity!
STARFIRE: Robin, there is
something I need to tell you.
Not now, we have a job to do.
BEAST BOY:
In case we don't come back,
I wanna say it's been an honor
serving with you all.
ROBIN: Showtime!
Everything is ready.
Missile is go for launch!
ROBIN: Not on our watch.
Titians! Whoa!
You guys look serious.
We're done playing games
with you, H.I.V.E.
Really? That's too bad.
(BUZZER RINGS)
(EVIL LAUGHING)
(BEEPING)
How do we stop it?
With serious firepower!
(ROARING)
That is some serious
hero work, Titans.
Aqualad.
We came here
to clean up your mess,
but it looks like you have
everything under control.
Perhaps you can admit
you misjudged us.
You do look
pretty serious now.
I just worry,
is it too serious?
Too serious?
You don't understand
what it's like to be
half machine, half man.
Let's get out of here, Titans.
There's a life
and death emergency
in the Mooka-Mooka
sector we have to deal with,
and something tells me
this is only the beginning.
Can you believe
Aqualad thought
we were too serious?
Not now, Robin.
I need to have a little talk
with my friend, Cyborg.
What's this all about?
You know what this is about.
You drank my juice
and I wanna know why.
-I was thirsty.
-(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING)
(GROWLING)
You knew that was my juice!
My name was on the carton!
So? It's drink,
it'll be dranken!
If I can't trust you
with my juice
then maybe
I can't trust you at all.
Well, that makes two of us.
Trust is a two-way street,
hombre.
Hey, break it up.
-It was just juice.
-Easy for you to say!
It wasn't your juice!
Guys, the monster in me
is feeding on your anger.
I don't know who I am anymore!
Snap out of it!
You're Raven.
Am I?
Or am I a monster, a freak?
(GROWLS) I don't think
I can be a part of this
team anymore!
(WAILING)
What is happening to our team?
It's too late, Star.
He knew what he was doing
when he drank the juice.
My juice!
And I enjoyed every sip of it!
-No!
-(SCREAMING)
ROBIN: Hmm. Could this
be the end of the Teen Titans?
I thought being serious
would bring us closer
but it's only driven us apart.
Star, you don't have
to do this.
I must.
Accept your fate, human.
Never!
Very well.
Remember, you asked for this.
(GIGGLES) Tickle war!
(LAUGHING)
Titan, tita... Titans, go!
No, don't. Don't do it!
I got to pee!
(LAUGHS)
Yeah, you got me.
It's no use, Star.
My computer parts
cannot be tickled.
(DRILL WHIRRING)
Oh!
(LAUGHING)
Belly button! (LAUGHING)
And I couldn't forget you,
my little bumgorf.
(LAUGHS)
Man, Starfire is so upbeat!
Her happiness makes me happy.
-(CLOCK TICKING)
-Thirteen seconds.
That's the longest
you were ever in
a good mood, mama.
-(GRUNTS)
-That was a record.
I have to know, Star,
where does your cheery
disposition come from?
(GIGGLES)
I suppose it comes
from growing up
on my home planet, Tamaran.
If it made you this nice,
it must be the best place
in the universe.
-(LAUGHING)
-(SMOOCHING)
Okay, okay.
Wait your turn, please.
No, no. You go next.
When you gonna take us there?
I am not sure
you would like it.
We like you.
We'll like your planet.
You may find
my Tamaranian ways strange,
much like I find some
of the Earth ways strange.
(PAN FLUTE PLAYING)
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
A poem for milady.
Is that a sunrise on yon lake?
Nay. 'Tis your eyes.
It would mean so much to me,
if I could share
this special place.
Then share away.
Let's go to space!
It is so good to be home.
(SNIFFING)
Ah. I missed the crispness
of Tamaranian air.
(ALL SNIFFING)
(ALL COUGHING)
My lungs are crying!
What are we breathing, Star?
That is
the Tamaranian fire air.
What? (GROANS)
Your planet's air
is made out of hot sauce.
It ensures the weak
do not survive.
You will grow accustomed
to the burning.
♪ The pain
All I know is pain ♪
Oh, do not die
so quickly, friends.
We have just arrived!
There are so many more
wonderful things to see.
(LAUGHS)
ROBIN: Wow!
This place is amazing.
Give us the tour, Star.
We want to see
all the things that made you
such a sweet
little cuddle bug.
As a Tamaranian princess,
this palace was my home.
We often entertained kings,
queens and warlords,
in an effort to keep the peace
of the galaxy.
This is General Thraxis
of the Blood Dominion.
We are working on
a very important treaty
with him now.
What up, General?
(GROWLS)
-(GROWLING)
-(ALL SCREAMING)
(GROANS)
What was that about?
Oh, on Tamaran,
a handshake
is the most violent
declaration of war.
He has vowed
to wipe out my people
and turn Tamaran
into intergalactic gravel.
My bad.
That is the all right,
but you must excuse me,
I need to rally
a planetary defense.
(SCREAMS)
Charge!
You have to shake
everyone's hand?
I'm a friendly guy,
what do you want me to do?
This is not
what I was expecting.
I'm not sure
I like Starfire's planet.
It's definitely not
as sweet as she is.
True, but it's pretty cool
watching those blob
guys explode.
-(SCREAMS)
-There goes one!
-(ALL SCREAMING)
-Why does everything
burn on this planet?
My face!
This is terrible.
Let's go
before things get worse.
No, Raven. It means so much
to Starfire that we're here.
Yo! The cries of terror
have stopped.
Maybe Cyborg's
handshake war is over.
Handshakes are friendly,
I don't care who you are,
they are friendly.
Good news!
The war has concluded
and only three-quarters
of the planet were destroyed.
That's great!
I'm so happy
for you, Starfire.
As is the custom on Tamaran,
I brokered a truce
by offering my hand
in marriage to the General.
ROBIN: No!
Why did you have
to shake his hand?
Why I ask you, Cyborg, why?
I can't help it.
I'm just a friendly guy.
I like putting people at ease.
(ROBIN CRYING)
It should have been me.
I really, really hate
this planet.
How can anyone
as nice and perfect as
Starfire come from here?
Ew! Look.
Now she has to kiss
all those mouths.
And she never kissed you
on your one mouth.
Bummer.
We're gonna be here awhile.
(SOBBING)
(APPLAUSE)
Was the ceremony
not beautiful?
Now, please enjoy the rest
of your stay on Tamaran.
-I must go.
-Where?
As the General's wife,
I must travel with his fleet
in order
to attend to his mouths
as he conquers the universe.
You will never see me again.
What? You can't go with him.
(ROBIN GASPS)
I know our customs
seem strange,
but it is important
to honor them.
Goodbye forever, friends.
This is not cool!
If Starfire is going to be
forced to marry anyone,
it's going to be me.
Titans, let's annul
this marriage.
(SCREAMING)
(BEEPING)
(EXPLOSION)
Ahhh!
(GASPS)
Friends, why did you
blow up my husband?
The peace treaty
is now broken.
The General's army
will soon attack,
and I have dishonored
my people.
And you are welcome.
-He was gross.
-Yeah, super gross!
Now the only way to save
my planet from the invasion
is in a traditional show
of bravery
by fighting Gridnock,
the skull crusher.
And if you don't,
this planet will be destroyed?
Yes.
Sounds good to me,
let's go home.
TITANS: Ahhh!
These are
the guardians of honor.
They will escort us
to our inevitable deaths
at the hands of Gridnock.
Hello, guardians!
Keeping those axes
sharp, I see.
(ALL CHEERING)
(GRIDNOCK GROWLING)
(GROWLING)
Is he not magnificent?
Why are you
so happy about this?
It is an honor to prove
one's bravery on Tamaran.
So, how many people
have survived Gridnock?
None. That is why
it is such an honor.
None, Star?
Well, he's never faced
the Teen Titans.
Titans, go!
-(CROWD BOOING)
-(BELCHING)
Whoa. Did we just get eaten?
That was fast!
-(GRIDNOCK BURPS)
-(ALL SCREAM)
Don't take this
the wrong way, Star,
but we hate your planet
and everything on it!
You are hurting
the feelings, Robin.
It's true.
This planet is awful.
We have no idea how you came
from a place like this.
(GRIDNOCK BELCHES)
Yes, life can be hard
on Tamaran.
But if I only saw
the negative,
my skull would have
been crushed many years ago.
Instead, I have learned
to find the best
in any situation.
In fact, that is the only way
I have been able to tolerate
you all as my roommates.
(SNIFFING)
Oh, Star, that's beautiful.
I always wondered
why you didn't hate us.
Well, if we're gonna die,
we might as well
be positive like Starfire.
We're in an alien
rock monster's belly,
what's not to love?
(SIZZLING)
Look, is that
a half-eaten hot dog?
-(BEEPING)
-(VOMITING)
Not a hot dog,
but I've never tasted
anything like it before!
Hmm. It's so nice and warm
in here like a free sauna.
Gettin' a good sweat on.
Detoxin'.
-(GRIDNOCK BELCHES)
-Oh!
If Star survived so long
because of her
positive attitude,
then we have
to think like her.
You know what that means.
Titans!
Tickle War!
(DRILL WHIRRING)
Belly button! (LAUGHING)
-(CYBORG THUMPING)
-(GRIDNOCK GRUNTING)
(CROWDS CHEERING)
We defeated the Gridnock!
-(ALL CHEERING)
-Yeah, kid.
We couldn't have done it
without seeing things
the Tamaranian way, Star.
Now do you understand
why I love this planet so?
I think we do, Star.
Then, perhaps you will let me
show you more of Tamaran.
-Are you crazy?
-Let's get out of here.
Worst place ever!
Blah!